Oh, was it bittersweet. Both my kids attend a co-op, and I had the blind luck to be working today, her last in the classroom. (Tomorrow is kindergarten orientation and Thursday a class picnic.) She’s had the same fantastic teacher for two years, and over that time I’ve heard this Laurie Berkner song “Goodnight” played, and it always makes me tear up. I asked the teacher for it today during circle time. Sophie was sitting in my lap as the roomful of kids sung (and me too). I was thinking, Until she has kids of her own, she will never experience this sort of bittersweetness. The sense of finitude, the beauty of what we’ve had, and knowing that it just can’t continue forever.  But then Sophie looked up at me and said, “I think I’m going to cry.” She buried her face in my neck, and I felt it grow damp, although she hid her tears away as big kids learn to do–a mixed accomplishment if ever there was one. I think she did know on some level. Maybe no more than thinking about how much fun she’s had at this school, and that she won’t be back, but then the “ever” sort of snuck in. What does “not ever again” mean to a five year old? What does it mean to us?

“That’s my Daughter” by Loudon Wainwright came on WFUV as we drove home and that about did me in.

But I didn’t hide my tears.

Just turned around (at a red light) and let my eyes shine as I reached for her hand.